


Some Minds

by Hing



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anger Management, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Depression, Developing Friendships, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-04 19:35:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12778002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hing/pseuds/Hing
Summary: After his little brothers untimely passing Itachi breaks, being checked into a psychiatric hospital he will learn how to put himself back together, make friendships that last a life time and find a love he's never felt before.





	1. Unsteady

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work in progress updates might be a little slow since this will be a very long story and I'm also working on another project. This story is very close to my heart because I have been that person strapped to a hospital bed and i have been in and out of psychiatric hospital multiple times so in a way this is a way to vent and to show other people what it's really like to be there. I hope you guys enjoy and please leave helpful comments. thank you (:

Itachi woke up to a bright light flashing in his eyes, blinding him for a moment, someone was talking but he couldn't hear it over the buzzing in his ears. As his vision returned he blinked to see a doctor or who he assumed was a doctor, turn to a nurse that was standing near her and say something like 'it's okay to take the tube out now'. Itachi tried to speak but choked, there was something stuck in his throat. The nurse, a woman with long blonde hair pulled back in a high pony tail walked to the other side of where Itachi was lying and pulled on some blue latex gloves, grabbing a medium sized pink bucket to place on Itachis lap. She smiled reassuringly and spoke in a sweet tone. "Hey, Itachi it's me, Ino. Sorry this is gonna hurt a bit, but I promise I'll have it out in no time." Itachi blinked at her, everything was hazey so when she started pulling the long tube from his mouth and he started coughing and spitting up a black tar like substance he barely registered the burning in his throat. The nurse smiled at him and patted his shoulder, she seemed familiar but he couldn't place where he had seen her before. When she left, probably to go check on another patient, Itachi had time to clear his mind from the hazey fog it had been in since he had woken up. He looked around, he was obviously in a hospital but why? He tried to sit up but stopped when he felt something pulling down on his wrists. Looking at them he saw they were both wrapped in gauze form wrists to elbows and were strapped to the bed. What had happened? Where was Sasuke? There was no clock in the room he was in so he couldn't tell what time it was so he figured Sasuke must be at work or school. 

After an unknown amount of time to Itachi passed, the woman or doctor if the white coat was anything to go by, and the nurse from earlier walked in together with a shorter man that had a scar going across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. The Doctor spoke, telling Itachi her name was Tsunade Senju and introduced the man as Iruka, a psychologist. Itachi felt dread bubble in his chest but he kept a calm composure. The four of them stayed silent as Itachi stared at them until Ino cleared her throat and walked towards Itachi's bed. She approached Itachi slowly with a sad sort of smile. "Itachi, do you remember me?" Itachi thought hard, she seemed familiar but he couldn't place where he'd seen her before. In a hoarse voice he answered, "You seem familiar but I can't remember how we met, forgive me." Ino's smile faltered and Itachi saw a flash of pity in her eyes. Itachi wasn't sure why but that made the bubbling of dread worsen. Confused, he turned to the doctor and asked, "Can you tell me why I'm here and why there's a psychologist with you?" The doctor straightened up and approached Itachi with a detached look on her face, like she had had this conversation before and had to steal herself to be the bearer of bad news.  
"Mr. Uchiha, you were in a coma for nine days, you were found in your room by your cousin with your wrists and thigh slit open and a needle in your arm, he called the paramedics and when they arrived they gave you a high dose of Narcam because you had overdosed, while in the ambulance your heart stopped for sixty seconds and the paramedics did everything they could to revive you until you arrived at the hospital. Once you were here you were escorted to surgery because you cut an artery in your right thigh and cut almost to the bone on your left wrist, you had to get a blood transfusion because of the amount of blood you lost. You may need physical therapy after it heals. Dr. Iruka is here to evaluate you, you'll most likely be moved to a psychiatric hospital once you recover form your wounds."Itachi stared at them. Why had he done that to himself? And the only cousin he talked to was Shisui but he lived out of state, so why was he here? Itachi hadn't touched any sort of drugs or alcohol for six months so what had set him off to go downhill that quickly? Either way he was not up to going to any sort of psychiatric hospital or rehab and he told the doctor so."I'm sorry but I don't believe I need to go to a psychiatric hospital, what I did was obviously done in a drug induced state, I really am fine. I think it'd be better to go back home with my brother." Ino made a choked noise and a few tears rolled down her face. She approached Itachi once more and sat by his legs holding his strapped down hand and looking him straight in the eyes with her teary ones. 

"Itachi I need you to think, when is the last time you saw Sasuke?" Itachi felt the dread in his chest grow until it felt like there was a crushing weight upon him. "We were watching a movie, it was a Saturday." Ino sighed and a couple more tears dropped from her eyes. "No Itachi I need you to think harder." Itachi closed his eyes and felt like there was a black aura wrapping around him, suffocating him as he searched through his memories trying to remember his most recent memory with Sasule. All of a sudden flashes of memories sped past his minds eye. Itachi running through a white hallway, scaring a nurse at the reception desk, being told he couldn't see his brother because he was in surgery. Waiting for hours staring at a white wall until a doctor approached him. "Mr. Uchiha?" "Yes that's me." "I'm very sorry, but we couldn't save him. Fourty percent of his body had been burnt to the bone. He also had severe head trauma from the collision and was bleeding internally, I'm sorry to say it was almost impossible to save him." Itachi had nodded and stood there for who knows how long after the doctor had walked away until a girl with long blonde hair pulled into a high pony tail walked up to him, tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry I couldn't do anything to save him. I'm Ino, just an old friend from high school but I'm truly sorry." She broke down crying after that and rushed into Itachi, embracing him in a tight hug. Itachi had felt like he wasn't in his body anymore, he felt like he was floating far, far away. He slowly lifted his arm to wrap around Ino's shoulders and used his free hand to stroke her hair. Ino had felt guilty that the Uchiha was comforting her and being calm about the situation when he had just lost the most important person in his life. After she had stopped crying she ran to the nurses station and came back with a sticky note with her name and number on it. "I know we don't know each other but I think Sasuke would be glad if you had someone to talk to. So please, call me anytime." Itachi had nodded and tucked the note into his back pocket as he walked away towards the elevators to walk outside the hospital doors and into the parking lot. He still didn't feel like himself, it didn't feel real. It felt like he was dreaming, that must've been it, he was just in a nightmare, when he woke up it would be gone right? A day later the hospital had asked him what he wanted to do with the body. Itachi had almost started screaming at the woman on the other side of the phone that it wasn't just a body, that it was his one and only brother, his best friend, his family. But Itachi had kept calm and simply requested to cremate him. He'd heard that you could make jewelry out of a cremated persons ashes. He would have a necklace made and carry his brother with him forever. After all even though they lived together Sasuke didn't really have anything that could be a keep sake, maybe his favorite t shirt or watch but for some reason Itachi felt that carrying his brothers ashes was much more meaningful.

Itachi returned from his daze of memories to see Ino looking at him, concerned. He looked her in the eye and nodded. "I remember everything now, thank you. I guess going home to my brother is out of the question now." Ino nodded sadly and got up from her seated position near Itachis legs to stand next to the doctor again. Itachi felt odd again like he was drifting away, physically he was there but his mind was somewhere else, in a hazey world. He looked up to see the doctor talking to Ino but he couldnt hear them, he was too far away. Looking down he stared at the bandages on his arms, he shifted his legs only to feel a dull ache and tight pull in right thigh. Must be the stitches, he could barely register any pain, probably because they had him on a high dose of painkillers. Looking up again he saw that Ino and the doctor were walking out the door and Iruka, the psychologist was pulling a chair up to Itachis bed. Smiling he said, "Hello, I'm Iruka. I'll be doing your assessment today." Iruka gave off a warm, happy vibe but Itachi doubted it would ward off the thousand pound weight that seemed to have settled in his chest. He knew the man was going to ask way too many personal questions and he wasn't sure if he was willing to tell the truth or not. He didn't want to be locked up in a mental hospital any longer than he had to. Iruka looked at him still smiling, his voice gentle when he said, "I know nobody wants to be asked personal questions by a stranger but you should think about it this way, would your brother want to see you like this? Think about doing this for your brother, if he were still here I'm sure he'd be proud of you for having enough will to make yourself get better." Itachi turned his head and side eyed the smiling man. The whole, 'what would your brother think' comment got under his skin, but then he really thought about it. Would Sasuke want him to do this? His brother always worried about Itachi because of his mood swings but he had never suggested getting help, instead he just dealt with it and tried to help Itachi the best he could. Finally deciding that he wouldn't want to disappoint his dear little brother, Itachi made up his mind to go through with this, no matter how many painful memories it would bring up. Turning his head to fully look at the psychologist, Itachi simply nodded his head. "Great!" Iruka flipped through the a small stack of papers he had on a clipboard and pulled out a pink sheet of paper, he asked Itachi to sign at the bottom for confidentiality reasons but then realized he couldn't sign them because his wrists were still strapped to the bed. Iruka made a face and told Itachi to 'hold on a sec' while he disappeared into the hall to ask a nurse to unbuckle Itachi's restraints. A pink haired nurse walked in and walked straight up to Itachi. "You promise you won't do anything to harm yourself?" Itachi nodded. The pink haired nurse smiled and quickly unbuckled his restraints. She took a look at his wrists and told him she'd have to re-wrap them when he was done talking to Iruka, then left, going back to the nurses station. The man sat back down and handed the paper to Itachi and pen to sign it with. Once he signed it and handed the paper back, Iruka got settled into his chair because these things usually took about an hour.

"Okay now we'll start, do you have any history of physical, sexual or emotional abuse?"  
Itachi tensed but answered anyways. "Just physical and sexual."  
"Emotional abuse goes hand in hand with that Itachi. But I'm very sorry to hear that."  
"Now, do you have a history of any kind of angry outbursts?"  
"Yes."  
"Can you tell me what those are like?"  
"I'll wake up feeling irritated for no reason and I'll end up hitting someone or breaking things for little reasons like laughing too loud or not doing the dishes."  
Itachi felt guilty as he thought about the time his brother hadn't put the dishes in the dishwasher so Itachi had flipped out and gave his little brother a black eye.  
"Do you have bouts of depressoin or loss of interest in normal activities or hobbies?"  
"Sometimes." "Do you have a history of anxiety or panic attacks?" "I have panic attacks but those are rare."  
"Any history of self harm in the past?"  
"Yes."  
"How long has it been since you've self harmed besides this incident?"  
"A year."  
"What about self worth? Do you ever feel worthless or of not belonging?"  
"Yes."  
"What about psychosis? Do you hear or see things that other people don't or smell things that nobody else does?"  
"No."  
"Any history of drug abuse or addiction?"  
"Yes."  
"Okay, and can you explain how and when that began and for how long?"  
"I started drinking and taking pills when i was 15, I did it on and off throughout highs chool until i turned 18 then i started smoking heroine for about 2 years, I started shooting up about a year and a half ago but my brother helped me get clean 6 months ago on my birthday. That had been the last time i had touched any sort of drugs or alcohol."  
"i see. Is there a history of mental illness or drug abuse in your family?"  
"No, not that I know of."  
"Do you ever have periods of time when you feel more active? Like spending more money, not sleeping as much, participating in any kind of sexual activities or doing or saying things you usually wouldn't?  
"Sometimes I don't sleep for a couple days and I feel happier, it's like feeling high when I'm not. i've never slept around with people though."  
Iruka nodded and carried on with the questions for about a half an hour until he said they were finished, he stood up and gave Itachi a pitying smile, "I'm truly sorry for your loss." Itachi just nodded and stared at the wall as Iruka walked out the door. Itachi sat there spaced out for a while until the pink haired nurse came in again with a bundle of gauze and bandages. "I'm Sakura, in case you wondering." She said in a sweet tone. "I'm gonna have to change all your bandages so your wounds don't get infected. Is that okay with you?" Itachi stared at her blankly and slowly nodded his head. Sakura dropped the gauze and bandages on the table next to him as she grabbed blue latex gloves off the wall and antiseptic wipes from a cupboard next to the mounted boxes of gloves. "I'll start with your arms." Itachi held out his left arm first as she gently unwrapped the bandage and pulled the gauze off to reveal a wound that even Itachi was surprised to see. There was a long, deep gash going diagonally across his forearm. There were staples holding the skin together but it honestly looked like the skin was about to burst apart. How had that even happened? Itachi couldn't remember doing it let alone what he did it with to have that big of a wound on his arm. The nurse turned to the table beside his bed to grab the alcohol swabs to clean the wound. He was sure the puckered skin of his arm would burst if she so much as grazed it but as she wiped the alcohol pad across the wound, the staples didn't budge. The raven haired man started to feel a dull ache and sting though. It wasn't terribly painful but it was still uncomfortable. Sakura looked up to see Itachis brows were furrowed. 

"This isn't even the worst one you have so I'll have Ino give you some more morphine when I'm done." Itachi didn't think it was really necessary but he nodded anyways. Once she was satisfied with her work she laid gauze on the wound then gently wrapped his arm again. Walking to the other side of the bed she grabbed Itachis right arm and set to work cleaning and rewrapping it. His right arm wasn't nearly as bad as his left. the cut was deep sure but it wasn't nearly as wide or long as his left arm.  
"Okay now its time for your thigh, so I need you to sit up and sit at the edge of the bed, are you okay to do that or do you need help?"  
"I'm fine." Itachi whispered as he threw the blanket that had been covering him to the side and sat up and turned to scootch to the edge of the bed. Sakura kneeled in front of him."Alright i need you to pull your hospital gown up a bit, don't worry about me seeing your crotch, I'm a professional." it was at that moment that Itachi realized he had a cathider in him. How troublesome, hopefully they'd take it out now that he was awake. Itachi sighed as he pulled up his gown bunching it up in the middle so he wouldn't flash the nurse. Now that the blanket was off and his gown was pulled up he could see his thigh, there was a thick layer of bandages wrapped around his upper thigh but there was some blood that had seeped through. Sakura frowned at this, a concerned look flashing in her eyes as she quickly unwrapped the bandage and peeled off the gauze, revealing a large gash going horizontally on the inside of the Uchihas thigh, there was dried blood smeared on top of the stitches and staples that were barely keeping Itachi's thigh in tact.  
"Okay it looks good, I know you might not think so but trust me once they're healed there'll barely be a scar left." She talked while she cleaned and re-wrapped the wound. Once she was done she threw away the old gauze and bandages and pulled off her gloves. "I'm going to go find Ino so she can get you that morphine now." With that she walked out. A couple minutes later Ino walked in with a clear iv bag smiling as she approached him.  
"Are you in a lot of pain right now?"  
"No, it's just a little uncomfortable."  
"Okay, well I'm gonna give you this anyways since it was getting close to the time for your next dose anyways.'  
Itachi nodded.  
"You're cousin should be here soon. We might move you to a regular room soon though so it may take a while for him to find you when he gets here."  
"He's been here?"  
Ino smiled, "Yup, everyday since you got here, he wanted to stay the night here to keep an eye on you but thats not allowed for ICU patients. he usually gets here around noon and stays till 6."  
"What time is it now?"  
"11:15, I called him while you were talking to Iruka so he should be here soon. We'll be moving you to a room upstairs in about an hour now that you're stable. I got you a room that has a t.v. and window looking outside so you'll probably feel more comfortable than in here. This rooms pretty bare."  
"Thank you."  
"it's no problem. Anything to help you feel better, and if you need anything just ask for me. I can sneak you cakes if you want." She said with a mischeivious smile. Itachi gave her a small smile at hearing that, he loved sweets so he'd probably take her up on that offer.  
"Ino?"  
"Yes?"  
"if you don't mind could you tell me about the times you spent with Sasuke?"  
Ino teared up at this. She shakily nodded her head and wiped at her face.  
"Yes, of course, anything you want to hear. I have tons of stories about him. Sakura knew him too but that was when they were in 3rd grade so she barely remembers anything, sorry. She told me to tell you she's sorry for your loss and she hopes you make a quick recovery."  
"Thank you, I appreciate the sentiment."  
"I'll be sure to visit you on my breaks, okay? I'll bring cake too like I said I can sneak you anything you want. So what's your favorite?"  
"Vanilla."  
"Okay but the vanilla cakes have strawberries on top so I hope thats okay."  
"Perfect."  
"Okay, well i gotta go tend to the other patients but I'll be back later to check up on you."  
Itachi nodded his head as the teary eyed, smiling blonde walked out of the room. After a couple minutes however he started to feel drowsy, probably the morphine kicking in. He didn't fight it, he welcomed anything that would take him away from his grief.


	2. Feel Good Inc.

When Itachi next woke up it was to the sound of laughter. Opening his eyes he saw beige walls and a clock directly across from him. They must've moved him to a different room while he was asleep, he thought.  
"You're finally awake." Itachi turned his head to his left at the sound of his cousins voice, sitting in a reclining chair was Shisui, looking at him with a cheerful smile and onyx eyes much like his own. "I rushed over when they called me saying you were awake but by the time I got here, you were already passed out again." His cousin stood up and took a step towards him to plant himself on the bed next to Itachi's hips.  
"When did you get here?"  
"Around 2 hours ago. Luckily this room has a t.v. though, so don't feel too bad, I wasn't that bored."  
"I meant when did you get in the state?' Shisui still had a smile on his face but it no longer reached his eyes.  
"9 days ago." 9 days. That meant the night he had found Itachi on the verge of death in his bedroom.  
"I see."  
"Yeah, but hey I got something for you! It arrived yesterday at your apartment but I don't know what it is." Shisui stood back up to grab something from the counter next to the recliner he had been sitting on. It was a small white rectangular box. He handed it to Itachi to open. Looking at who the sender was, Itachi knew exactly what it was. Rushing to open it, he fumbled with it a couple times, his left hand not really wanting to cooperate with him. Apparently he really would be needing physical therapy. Finally opening the box, there, laying in a neat fold was a necklace. The necklace. The necklace made of Sasuke's ashes. It looked like a black crystal but Itachi knew it was so much more than that. Shisui looked a little puzzled as Itachi just stared at it with a blank expression.  
"What is it, Itachi?"  
"Sasuke" Shisui waited for an explanation. It took a couple minutes for Itachi to finally tear his eyes away from the necklace but when he did he turned to Shisui and explained what it was exactly. Shisui understood and put his hand on Itachis shoulder, squeezing gently before asking if Itachi needed help putting it on. Itachi nodded and let Shisui take the piece of jewelry from him. Brushing his long hair out of the way first Shisui clasped the necklace around Itachis neck. It was small and weighed nothing, but it felt heavy against Itachis heart. He was holding his brother around his neck. It almost made him feel sick but as much as he wanted to hurl he was comforted by the crystal hanging against his chest. Looking at his cousin he told him thank you.  
"No problem, little cousin." Itachi looked up at the left corner of the room to see what his cousin had been watching on t.v.,it was some lifetime movie. Itachi gave his cousin a look as if to say 'really?'. Shisui caught it and laughed.  
"There was nothing else good on, unless you'd rather watch disney channel?"  
"No thank you." They sat in silence after that, Shisui paying attention to his lifetime movie and Itachi thinking about Sasuke. It had already been almost 2 weeks since Sasuke's passing but to him who had been in a coma it had only been 3 days. Everything was still fresh in his mind. He had just gotten home from his job working at a car dealership when he had gotten the call that his brother had been in a four car pile up with severe burns and various other injuries before being rushed to the hospital. He had ran out of their shared apartment and got in his car, speeding through traffic to try and make it in time to see his brother only to be told he was gone, that he was too late. That he couldn't be saved. After talking to the doctor that had given him the news and Ino who had cried and shared her regret, Itachi had walked back to his car and sat there staring at nothing for almost 3 hours. When he had finally snapped out of it he had went home, walking up the stairs to his apartment, walking inside, taking a shower and laying in bed. He hadn't slept that night. He had been too busy trying to figure out if this was reality or not but when he had gotten the phone call asking what would be done with the body he had snapped. He had walked downstairs and gotten into his car driving to his old drug dealers place. He didn't stay there long like he used to, he had got what he wanted and walked back out to his car to get high. After that he had thought about any way he could keep his brother with him, when the idea for the jewelry had hit him. He had drove back home and looked up where he could get it done and after setting everything up he had retreated into his own little world. 

He didn't remember calling Shisui at all, and his sense of time had been ruined by all the times he had gotten high and spaced out. The last thing he could remember was taking a shower and shooting up on his bed. Maybe that was what had happened right before he had apparently tried to kill himself. Though he still doesn't know what he did it with. Had to have been a kitchen knife or something, Sasuke had taken to keeping sharp objects away from Itachi because of the moods he would get in. Itachi thought it was sad really, he was the eldest yet it was his little brother that had to watch over and take care of him. Making sure he was alright and not hurting himself or getting high again. Sasuke had always been mature and he had never complained but Itachi had felt like a burden sometimes. Itachi honestly didn't know how he was going to survive without his little brother being there anymore. He knew his brother would want him to live if he was alive but he wasn't alive anymore. So was there really a point? Could somebody really live for a dead person because of what they would've wanted while alive? Was it possible? It didn't seem like it to Itachi. 

Shisui sat up and cleared his throat when his movie ended, noticing Itachi had a far away look in his eyes like he used to get. Not good, he'd need to snap him out of it beofre Itachi got any dark ideas.  
"So, has the psychologist seen you yet?" Itachi slowly looked up, the question not registering at first, but then the light returned to his eyes and he nodded his head.  
"What'd he say?"  
"Nothing, all he did was an assessment, they said I'd probably be going to a psychiatric hospital when I'm healed but they haven't told me when or where."  
"I see. When you go, I'll be visiting on the days I can."  
"What about your job?"  
"I quit."  
Itachi's eyes widened impercebtibly. "Why would you do that?"  
"I'm moving back, Itachi. I don't know why I moved out of state in the first place. It was a bad idea, I missed a lot of time with you guys and I don't want to continue making that mistake, so I'm moving back, preferably close to you." Itachi thought about it. It was true, he and Sasuke hadn't seen their favorite cousin in months and in the end Shisui barely got to see him before the accident. He had almost lost the only two family members he talked to in less than a week. It wasn't out of pity for Itachi that he was moving back, it was out of regret and fear of losing another person he loved. Itachi wanted to find a reason to tell him he didn't need to do this but he knew his older cousin wouldn't listen to him even if he did so he just nodded his head. At that moment Ino popped her head in, smile on her pretty face.  
"Hey guys! How are you two doing?" Shisui smiled back at her.  
"Ino! What are you doing here? Are you still his nurse?"  
"Sadly, no, I mostly work in ICU but i promised I'd visit Itachi during my break, so here I am." Itachi looked at her and saw she was holding a small styrofoam box in her hands. Ino saw where he was looking and smiled an even brighter smile.  
"I got you cake like I promised!" She pulled a plastic fork out of her scrubs pocket and handed both items to Itachi who now had a small smile on his face.  
"Thank you Ino." Opening the take out box, his eyes brightened a little at the vanilla and strawberry cake. Shisui smiled and commented that strawberries were Itachis favorite and anything sweet, really. Ino smiled and looked at Itachi with a nostalgic look in her eyes,  
"I remember when Sasuke would eat tomatoes like they were grapes." Shisui's smile faltered and he looked to Itachi to see if this was okay. He smiled though as he saw that Itachi had the same look in his eyes as Ino did.  
"Yeah, they were his favorite." Itachi whispered.  
"How do you know Sasuke, Ino?" Shisui asked.  
"I met him when I was a senior and he was a freshman. I thought he was cute so i had thrown myself at him pretty much the whole year." She blushed as she explained. "A lot of girls had a crush on him and everyone thought he was so cool. The guys were so jelaous haha."  
"Is that why he always used to get in fights back then?"  
"Yeah, a lot of guys wanted to, and I quote, 'knock his pretty boy ass down a few pegs'." Shisui and Ino laughed as Itachi listened to them talk as he ate his cake. He remembered when Sasuke would come home with ripped up clothes and messier hair than usual. He would vent his frustrations and curse the boys that had torn the clothes Itachi bought him. Itachi never scolded Sasuke for getting into so many fights, he knew his brother wasn't one for drama so he knew it must have been guys bugging him for their own petty reasons. Hearing about it now made him glad he was right, though he wished that Sasuke had made more friends. Sasuke had never made many friends in school and when he had they'd move away or they'd have a falling out. The only friend that Sasuke had ever really talked about had been a blonde boy with tan skin and blue eyes. But that had been when Sasuke was in middle school and Itachi had only met the boy once. Other than that Sasuke only really had aquaintences. Itachi wondered if his little brother had ever felt lonely like he had and if he had, his little brother was a much stronger person than he was because he never let it show. Itachi had a lot of pride knowing he was the older brother to such a strong person. Even if Sasuke hadn't felt lonely, he was always a strong person even as a kid he would worry more about his older brothers feelings than his own. Maybe he was just him being naive, whatever it was Itachi was glad it was a part of Sasuke, it made him who he was. 

Ino and Shisui talked for about fourty-five minutes before she had to leave and saying good bye, she asked if she could hug Itachi.  
"If you want, yes."  
"Thank you." She said as she bent over the bed to give him a tight hug, he didn't return it but she was still happy to embrace him, it made her feel less helpless.  
"I like her, she's really sweet." Shisui commented after she left. Itachi nodded his head agreeing with the older man. 

This became a routine for the next three days, Shisui picked up a couple days worth of clothes and spent the night at the hospital to make sure Itachi wouldn't get lost in his thoughts and Ino would come in every morning before her shift to check on them and come back around 3 with cake for Itachi and to talk and tell stories about her attempts to win Sasukes heart and Shisui would tell her about Sasukes younger days while Itachi silently ate his cake until it would be time for Ino to get back to work. 

It was a Monday when Iruka came back to talk to Itachi about his discharge plans and what hospital he'd be going to.  
"You'll be going to Hidden Leaf Psychiatric Hospital tomorrow, the hospital is sending one of their own vans to pick you up in the morning. I've already sent them the assessment I did on you a couple days ago so once you get there you shouldn't be in the lobby for too long. If you want, you can ask your cousin to pick up some clothes for you to take with if you don't like the idea of wearing hospital scrubs for your stay there. You can bring shoes but they can't have laces and none of your clothes can have any length of string on them so if you bring a sweater the strings on it have to be cut. Also, no jewelry or piercings are allowed, While you're there you'll be doing different types of therapy and you'll be seeing a psychiatrist every day, you'll also probably be put on medications so just be prepared. I know this sounds like a lot, but try not to be overwhelmed."  
Shisui and Itachi nodded along but Itachi was starting to feel anxious now that he realized he was really going to be staying at a mental hospital and wouldn't even be allowed to wear his necklace. The thought of not being allowed to wear it didn't sit well with him.  
"Alright, that's everything gentlemen so I'll get outta your hair." Iruka said with a smile. Shisui thanked him and Itachi didn't really notice him leaving, too busy thinking about how long he'd have to be at a different hospital.  
"Itachi I'm gonna go get you some clothes for tomorrow so I'll be back in like an hour okay?" Itachi nodded and went back to his thoughts about the hospital, would there be group therapy? He wasn't sure he'd be participating in that if there was. Would he have to stay longer if he didn't? Shit, this was going to be troublesome. He had no idea how this sort of thing worked and he hoped that people there were mostly normal. He didn't plan on going there to make friends but it would be helpful if there was at least one person he'd be able to get along with. Maybe befriending some people would make his stay shorter, it could prove he was stable and in the right state of mind. The idea of being on medications didn't bother Itachi in the least, in fact he hoped they'd give him strong doses of sleeping and anxiety medications so he could spend his time there comfortably. He prayed they'd put him on xanax. But then again considering he just overdosed they might not want to put him on any kind of benzos. This was really going to suck if he didn't get what he wanted. A nurse came in and checked his iv bag and decided it was finished so she turned back out the door, only to return with a full iv bag. Itachi brightened up because he knew it was his precious morphine. The high doses they were giving him were helpful in putting Itachi into a dreamy state where he felt like he had no worries and didn't have the capacity to make up worst case scenarios. As the nurse hooked up the bag to the iv, Itachi slowly started to feel calmer, the medication didn't make him as drowsy anymore but it still helped him fall asleep pretty easily so he was thankful for that. Once the nurse was finished, she flashed Itachi a bright smile and bid him sweet dreams. Itachi hoped that was the case, he was tired of having the same nightmare over and over again where Sasuke was trapped in a burning car but Itachi was never able to make it in time. Everyday he woke up with a deep feeling of regret. He knew it wasn't his fault but he couldn't stop himself from feeling so helpless.

An hour later Shisui returned with a duffle bag full of Itachis clothes,  
"I mostly grabbed t shirts and sweat pants but I also got you a pair of jeans and sweatshirt. i even went to the store to buy you a pair of slippers." Shisui was cheerful as usual and it slightly lifted Itachis mood.  
"You didn't have to do all that, I could've handled wearing the hospital clothes, it's not a big deal."  
"Yeah but i figured you'd more comfortable in your own stuff so just take it and stop acting all modest." The older man said jokingly.  
"Thank you, Shisui, for everthing."  
"You don't have to thank me, we're family, i'd do anything for you, you're my only family after all."  
"I know but still, thank you for coming back and dealing with all of this so well." Shisui walked towards Itachi with a solemn look on his face. Sitting down next to Itachi on his bed, he pulled the man towards him and whispered gently, "Please make it through this Itachi, I know you're holding a lot of things in but you need to talk or else it'll eventually eat you alive. i don't want you leaving this world so soon. You still have so much to live for."  
Itachi wasn't sure if he could believe that or not.


	3. Never Know

The next morning Itachi was awakened by a nurse telling him it was time to get ready because the van was here. Itachi looked up to the clock on the wall saying it was barely 6:00 a.m.. Why the hell was it here so early? Whatever. Itachi nodded at the nurse and turned to his left to see that the nurse must've woken up Shisui as well because he was sitting up and rummaging through the bag he brought for Itachi. Pulling out a black cotton longsleeve and a pair of black skinny jeans, that were actually Sasukes but Itachi kept his mouth shut and didn't comment. The idea of wearing his little brothers clothes comforted Itachi, it made him feel a little bit closer to his younger brother in some way, like he still had a piece of him there with him. Shisui hand the clothes to Itachi and helped him stand up so he could change, Itachi was almost glad that he could finally change, he was tired of wearing that stupid dress called a hospital gown. Itachi had trouble untying the strings on his back because his left hand was still shaky and a lot weaker than it had been before the incident. Once he had pulled the strings loose he let the hospital gown drop to his feet as he pulled the black long sleeve over his head and some what painfully changed into the tight pants that his little brother loved to wear. The tight material rubbed against the staples in his thigh so it was somewhat uncomfortable but not unbearable to walk around in. Once he was done Shisui kicked the black slipper he had bought to Itachi, who slipped them on over his hospital socks. The nurse seeing that they were ready nodded at them and told the two to follow him. Shishui and Itachi slowly walked behind the nurse, Itachis leg hurt with every step he took so he had to take it slow. Once they were in the elevator going downstairs they wa;lked through a long hallway passing the hospital pharmacy and a large cafeteria until the reached an exit. Waiting outside for them was a white van with 'Hidden Leaf Psychiatric Hospital' written in green bold print across the side of the van. There were two men in seemingly casual attire standing beside the large van. Seeing the pair of men tagging along behind the nurse one of the men walked away from the conversation he had been having with the other man and walked towards the trio waiting just outside the hospital exit with a bright smile on his face.  
"Good morning everybody! Which one of you is Itachi Uchiha?"  
Shisui pointed at Itachi before the nurse could give an answer so the man turned to Itachi with that same bright smile and gave him a nice greeting and explained that he would be his transportation for the morning. Itachi nodded and followed after the man once he turned to walk back up to the van and open the side door. Shisui stopped Itachi before he could get in the vehicle and asked if Itachi was okay. Itachi wasn't really sure if he was or not but he nodded his head anyways just to reasure his cousin. Shisui squeezed Itachis shoulder hard enough to bruise until finally pulling Itachi into a hug so tight he could barely breathe. Once Shisui finally let go and looked at him, Itachi could tell that his older cousin was holding back tears.   
"Please Itachi, I need you to be alright. I wouldn't be able to handle it if I lost both of you so I need you to try and be strong, okay?"  
"I'm going to be okay, Shisui. Try not to worry yourself too much."  
"I'm serious Itachi, you need to really try. Okay? Don't just go there because the hospital is forcing you to, go because this is what you really need and try to make the best out of it. Take advantage of all the resources they're going to give you and actually try to get better. You hear me?"  
Itachi nodded, but honestly he was starting to feel far away again, his anxiety was getting the best of him and he was retreating to somewhere not here, not present. It was what he always did when it felt like he couldn't handle something. He was honestly scared to death of having to live in a hospital with other mentally ill people for an insurmountable amount of time. He wanted to go home and grieve properly but with the way his mind was that would only lead to some bad ideas if he was allowed to be alone in a quet apartment with no Sasuke to help shoo away his dark thoughts. This was probably a much better option to leaving a grieveing depressed man who just lost the closest person to him with vices that were to easily obtainable. Itachi knew this was the better option if he wanted to actually save himself but honesty the other option sounded much more appealing. He would do anything right now to get as high as humanly possible so he could escape the heavy weight on his chest and the dark thoughts swirling in his head. It'd be so much easier that way. However, Itachi didn't have that option. His only option right now was sitting right in front of him in the form of a van. Itachi already knew that this was gonna suck but he had no other opton so he looked up at his cousin with a small smile that didn't really reach his eyes and patted him on the shoulder, taking the bag full of clothes off of Shisuis hands and quietly reassured him everything was going to be okay. Itachi didn't believe it, it's just what he wanted his cousin to believe so he wouldn't feel so guilty or scared for him. Shisui was a naturally sunny person and it didn't feel right when he got too serious or somber so it was only right that he give him some kind of hope right now even if it was just temporary. Itachi knew deep down that nothing was going to change. Sasuke would still be gone once he got out and unless they put him on some really heavy medication, Itachi was going straight back to shooting black into his arm. It sucked but that was just how things were going to be. Itachi didn't think Shisui would be able to bring him out of his depression or drug dependency like Sasuke was able to. There was a huge factor missing right now and it was Sasuke, with him gone Itachi had nothing, was nothing. If he could take his brothers place he would do it in a heartbeat but that wasn't possible so they were stuck with having to deal with the loss of somebody they had a strong relationship with. Reality really liked to keep you down as much as it could. That's how Itachi felt at least.  
Saying goodbye to Shisui Itachi got into the van and sat down adjusting his tight jeans so the weren't rubbing against his staples so harshly. The man from before closed teh door and got into the drivers seat while the man he had been having a conversation with before got into the passenger seat. They started talking about something that had happened the other day with one of their female co-workers and put on some low music. Itachi only paid attention for about 2 minutes before he zoned out. What seemed like a 5 minute car ride but in reality had been a half an hour drive came to a halt, Itachi snapped out of it and looked out the window to see a two story building standing outside.   
"We're here." The man from before said with a cheerful smile. It didn't really look all that foreboding, Itachi had expected an asylum type of building from out of old movies but this jsut looked like a small clinic. The building he was staring at however had an almost welcoming aura to it, with its warm brown walls and huge windows, giving him a view into the lobby/waiting area. There was no one in there, he noticed as he got out of the van and walked towards the larges double doors. The man that had drove him there opened the doors for him when he saw that Itachi had a slight limp. Itachi whispered a thank you and the man said no problem, that he was happy to help. As Itachi entered the lobby he walked up the receptionist and waited for her to look up from her typing on the computer. When she did she gave him a warm smile and asked him for his name. Once given she told Itachi he could have a seat until a nurse came down to get him. Itachi sat down and tried to calm himself, he was getting major anxiety from being in a new place with no one to help him cope. That's what the doctors were there for sure but it still would have made him feel better if Shisui could've tagged along with him. He waited about five minutes until a short nurse with dyed black hair that had a blue tint to it and eyes so pale in color she could've passed as a blind person for sure, walked up to him and introduced herself.  
"Hello, Itachi. I'm Hinata and I'll be your nurse for most of your stay here." She seemed nervous, her eyes kept fluttering around and she didn't make much eye contact. Itachi didn't think it was rude but she honestly looked like a deer caught in headlights for no significant reason at all and Itachi wondered if maybe she needed some therapy herself. He didn't say anything howver, just nodded his head and followed her to a door opposite to where he had been sitting. Walking in Hinata turned around to face him with a small shy smile.  
"Okay, first, I need you to change into these." She said as she pulled a pair of khaki scrubs out of a drawer in the counter they stood next to.  
Itachi set down his bag of clothes and took the clothes from her, Hinata then turned to their left to lead him out of the room and go into a long hallway where a mens restroom was. She unlocked the door and let him in so he could change in private and told him if he needed any help to just ask. Itachi didn't need any help though and so quickly changed into the khaki hospital clothes. Once he was done he walked out of the bathroom and followed Hinata back to the room they had just been in. Itachi put the clothes he had just been wearing next to his bag and waited for HInata to do something. The shy girl ended up pulling a metal detector wand from one of the drawers in the counter and wave it around his arms, chest and stomach, back, legs and feet.   
"Okay I just have to check all of your clothes and then I can do your vitals, this won't take too long, don't worry. Also, you can have a seat if you want."  
Itachi took a seat across from her next to a blood pressure machine and waited for the woman to go through all the clothes he had brought with. Once she was done checking to make sure none of the clothes he had brought with had no strings or contraband in them she turned around and quietly walked towards the blood pressure machine and unwarapped the cuff to put it around his upper arm. She checked his temperature and then she was done. She asked him to follow her once again adn she led him to a room right next to them that had a couch and a bunch of somewhat comfortable loooking chairs lined up around it with a tv hooked up to the wall. Dr. Phil was on probably because there was an older looking woman sitting in a chair facing right across from the t.v..   
"Okay, I have to keep your clothes until i make sure your bed is ready, while I'm gone I need you to fill out these papers." She actually made eye contact this time and smiled at him. Itachi merely nodded and took the papers and walked to the table that was underneath the t.v. on the wall. The papers were just asking him about his health history, a list of the meds he was on and if he had a history of drug abuse. It also had a paper for any family members the hospital could contact if Itachi had to be restrained or of any outbursts he had. One of the pages had drawings of a person facing forward and backward asking if he had any scars and where they might be. He quickly filled out the papers and crossed out the contact list the hospital wanted in case he had any outbursts. He didn't want his cousin to worry anymore than he already was if he did have an outburst. In all likelihood he would have one if he was kept here to long if he was being honest with himself. Once he was done he put his head on the table he was sitting at until the nurse returned.  
A different nurse woke him up however, he had nodded off apparently. She took the papers from him and flipped through to the last page. "Okay I need to see all the scars you have she said eyeballing his wrapped arms. She walked away to a door that was at the corner of the room that he hadn't noticed before. Walking after her he felt more anxiety, he really didn't need strangers seeing his new marks let alone the old ones. Sure the doctors had constantly checked his arms and leg to maek sure they were healing properly but he had been comfortale enough since he was high off morphine most of the time. He didn't get a dose of morphine today so all his anxiety and depression were coming back very quickly. Once they were in the room she asked him to show all of the marks he had on his body. He slowly unwrapped the bandages around his wrist and showed his wrists. There were deep but faint scars from when he had harmed himself a year ago and then there were the newest scars that still had stitches in them that he hoped would be out soon. Once he showed them the nursed made a grimace and told him she'd need to clean and wrap them again. Then he pulled his pants down enough to show the gash in his thigh. Her eyes widened a little as if she hadn't seen wounds this bad before but she assured him she clean all of them and then she'd be done and that Hinata would be back to take him to his room. Itachi nodded and let the nurse clean and rewrap his wounds. When they walked back out of the room, HInata was there waiting with with a large brown bag and a small smile.   
"Hi, your bed is ready so we can go upstairs now, okay?"  
Itachi nodded and followed her to the room where she had check his blood pressure and temperature. They walked through the room and out the the hallway where the bathroom was but instead of going right they went left to where two elevators stood. Getting in the elevator, Hinata turned to him and told him not to be nervous, that everyone here was really nice, including the patients. Itachi doubted it but nodded anyways and prepared himself for the worst as the elevator dinged and they walked out.


End file.
